Dear Internet,
I have finished my freshman year of high school. I got decent grades ; mostly A's , but I got a few B's here and there.
By the spring semester , I was so fucking burnt out , and tired , like I barely slept more then 6hrs by late May , and June was hell...
I am barely able to sleep more than 3 hrs a night. And nowadays I cannot go outside unless I it is necessary , because I always feel like passing out when going outside , it is unbearably humid and hot. My grandma said : " It's like a hotpot outside". And I couldn't agree more , it is horrible. I still have a few memory fragments of those summers when we were able to go out freely , and not sweat out asses off , and not feel light-headed all the damn time. This heat is brutal.
I feel that this summer is the repeat of last summer ; purge , sleep , music , study, sso , ao. There is nothing to do.
I still purge quite often , and my bowles feel like exploding , however my intestines don't feel like anything. I don't have much pain in my intestines , unlike in my stomach and bowels , ( tho my bowels hurt way more. It feels like there is a massive pressure build up in my bowels , and I feel like I am gonna explode. ) .
I know that I ' ll never be able to recover , the max I could ever achieve is semi-recovery. :l
I hope to study some more this summer . I need to start working on my SAT topics , and I need to start reading the books for next year, tho , I typically read the summary, and make my notes from that. I also need to work on my history topics too.
My sister (of honour) told me that she no longer likes me , and that our values , and opinions , are completely different now , and she doesn't like my presence, infact she doesn't like anyone's presence , and that she needs time alone. This is crap , because we have know each other for 6 or even 7 years now...
I have 0 motivation.
anyways , love y'all and stay safe :)